Saturday, August 23, 2008

Being Laurie of the seven stories

To my readers who have never seen this movie, Being John Malkovich(sp?) I apologize, this post is not for you. Those of you who have seen the movie, this is what it is like being Laurie of the seven stories. Yes, I am working on a half floor and subsquently,constantly bumping my head on shit.

8:45 A.m. Baby Tasha wakes me up by screaming MA MA MA- my usual reply on a Saturday- Daddy will get you breakfast is met with vehement opposition. I must climb the steps to the first floor, and pretend I know how to cook. Luckily pouring milk on a bowl of separated frosted mini wheats is like a gourmet breakfast for my 1 yr old.

10 AM my oldest daughter informs me that only I can take her to her hair appointment. I am simulataneously scared to death and flattered. I know nothing good can come of this, and yet WTF she is wanting me. Isn't this like Armstong on the moon?

10:45 A hairstylist says to me, "is that what she wants?" I laugh diabolically. Thank Fing God this is not my job. "Oh no, I say,whatever she wants, I will not be to blame.

12:00am I am the target_ I call my husband- I am going to run errands until she is done at the hair dressers. OK, I guess I am housebound he says. Yes I say,that's what my whole week is like. Yes , he says, but I have a job. Oh right and I am home with five kids doing nothing, how silly of me (I say gasping for air)

12:25 I try to text msg my friend who has now sent me three texts out of guilt for not attending my party last week. The last one is ome peace, and I have no idea what the f this means? I want to text her back to her let her know I am not really really mad, but secret, I have no idea how to text. I am practicing and accidentally send her a message telling her - not ready for school 2 much work bthweieas256343. I do not know how to erase.

12:45 Run into my cousin at TaRget, whom I haven't seen in awhile. Last time I saw her she was at my front door demanding I write her a check for something like a walk athon. I see her in the target- she has tears in her eyes. Her husband is pushing the cart smiling and laughing like a hyena. I say Hi and my friendliness is met with animosity. Bye then , she says, pushing me and my empty cart aside. leaving her husband to smile at me bewildered. WTF, again.

1:00 Msg from my daughter. I hate my hair and told the stylist. She is redoing it. I wonder if I can call the hospital and find my real child. The one who looks in the mirror while in the chair, screaming inside, and says, it looks great, I love it, until she gets home and tells her mother how her visit to the hairdresser has destroyed her life.

1:15 Call my cousin Jennifer who reassures me our other cousin is crazy. She tells me she is making Team Laurie shirts for the family wedding next week. I tell her that if I have inadvertently offended her in any way, that I am sorry, but ya know...

1:45 After having her hair redone, daughter proves she is mine by acting just as I once did. ANother one bites the dust.

2:45 Get kids ready to go over to Moira and Chaz's house for dinner and swim. Will these people stop at nothing for publicity?

12:15am arrive home- tired, distraught, banging my head on the low ceiling and lookin forward to my anniversary- not of my marriage, but of the night that Moira and I drank on her patio until 5 am without realizing it was past say 2 am. Chaz reminded us tonight it will be a yr this week. He is offering again to take the kids to the baseball game. I am expecting a candle light dinner....

And this folks is what it is like to be me. Talk about your major motion pictures

8 comments:

Moira said...

Oh, the candles will be lit and the wine will be chilled! I wish all your readers could join us for our one yr anniversary of sitting on my patio, drinking too much, and solving all the problems of the world.

Amy said...

You so deserve your anniversary party. Have fun.

Laurie of the Seven Stories said...

Thanks Amy- one night we will all have together. I think we would have a good time.

Moira- I didn't get that Philosophy degree for nothing- it comes mighty handy when people are drunk and questioning all the ills of the world.

Adriane said...

So what did her hair end up looking like?

Laurie of the Seven Stories said...

Adriane,

It looks like the hair of every teenage girl in America. IT has a few subtle highlights, but she is insane, and has been wearing a bandana and a hat all weekend long.

Ann(ie) said...

haaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! THIS is a funny post. And yes, you get out there and celebrate your anniversary girlie!!!!

hillsmithfamily.com said...

I could so use a night like that - but then I need a day to sleep it off. And even though their is only the one kiddo, I'm pretty certain that won't be happening. **sigh**

Enjoy!

Manager Mom said...

Oh no... your daughter's hair traumas have given me a view into my future. We fight hard enough now about just COMBING the mop on her head, and she doesn't even care about the style yet...