Thursday, June 12, 2008

RAY, THE F---KING ZOO IS CLOSED







I hope that some of you, offended by the f-bomb, will pardon my language and remember this quote from Jerry Maguire fondly as you listen to the saga that was my day today...

Remember, little Johnathan Lipnicki (scary that I can remember his name) asked Tom Cruise to take him to the zoo- but it was night time, and Tom Cruise was drunk and nursing a black eye and had just dumped fiance Kelly Preston because she called him a loser- so he said simply, Ray the fucking zoo is closed, and Ray said, "you're not supposed to say Fuck"
I am sorry if I have offended anyone, but immediately this is what ran through my head when I pulled up at the zoo parking lot, after an hour drive with four kids in city traffic to get to the zoo, and was told that the zoo was closed for the day.

The zoo is closed three times a year. Christmas Day. New Year's Day. And, ohbytheway, the second Thursday in June. How could I not know? Didn't we just finish decorating the second Thursday in June tree? Didn't I just spend tons of time buying the second Thursday in June Christmas gifts.
This, people, is why I am not type a personality. Type A personalities plan perfectly and their plans roll smoothly along. I tried so hard to be organized. Even had the girls dressed in matching giraffe dresses so they would look zooish. Packed sandwiches and strawberries and salsa and chips in a cooler, so that we could have a picnic lunch. Even bought tickets in advance at triple A, to save time and a couple of bucks. Well, at least now we have tickets for another day. You might think the people at Triple A would have advised me that today was one of the three days of the year the zoo was closed?! But then, again, I guess I should have known.

But this is where my laid back, roll with the punches, differently organized personality comes into play. No need to call social services- I did not drop the f-bomb in front of my children, who were reeling from the news that the zoo was closed. I was on a major city street, unsure of which way to go, traffic coming at me from every angle,but I simply pulled over.
After a brief caucus on what other city attraction we would visit, it was decided that we would head to the aquarium. Thank God for the GPS because with my sense of direction, we'd still b in the city.

As you can see above, I found many glorious creatures of the sea including: a shark boy,two mermaid princesses, and one sea monster.







14 comments:

mommastantrum said...

You can say Fuck...I will still be your bloggy BFF. Also, I need to come take a class in how to "roll with the punches" as we all would have had a freak out and lost our shit had the zoo been closed. Type A I am, with no idea of what to do if B happens.

Pamela Kramer said...

LOL!!!! - Love that movie btw. Don't you just hate that when you get the day planned and something as simple as that throws your whole day off? At least you bounced back. Your lunch list really has made me hungry now!

Good & Crazy said...

Oh my crazy, this was funny. I'd like to see your June 2nd tree btw. I have f bomb days and don't even dare use the word ass in my posts. As in 'he was a cheap-ass'. And sometimes I really want to. I REALLY do. So there.

Ann(ie) said...

hehe. I greatly enjoy the F bomb. I think it's weird when people don't say it. And how lame that the zoo was closed!!!? I would have compensated with comfort food and a trip to Grandma's. ;)

buffi said...

Oh, yes. The second Thursday in June is Close the Fucking Zoo Day! Isn't it on your Precious Moments calendar? WTF?

My kids would have had a stroke! You rock. I can roll with the punches pretty well, but don't know if I would be able to recover as nicely as you did. I would have pictures of my kids with swollen eyes and runny noses from crying and me telling them to get over it already!

Amy said...

Laurie, Love the post. That is so something that would happen to me.Really funny.

sarah said...

The zoo was closed! I feel your pain. Check out my Fight the Frump post on our last field trip to the zoo - what not to wear!

http://www.genesismoments.com/awritersjourney/2008/05/fashion-discret.html

Take care and have a good day!

Amy said...

Laurie, I just saw your Nectar comment. You must live close. E mail me.

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Featured on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle.

http://tinyurl.com/6mb75y

Mel said...

Those are some crazy faze paints. My kids saw the pictures and thought they were "really cool". Have a great week!

Always Home and Uncool said...

You pottymouth little hussy. Nice to make your acquaintance.

Manager Mom said...

1) I AM a type A personality, and yet my plans NEVER seem to run smoothly...

2) I have dropped the f-bomb in front of my chilluns, which luckily, they didn't notice because they ignore most everything I say unless it has the word "pizza" in it somewhere...

and 3) I am feeling solidarity for you as to how long it must have taken to wash the face paint off...

:-)

Sarah said...

I was actually at the zoo the day before and saw the signs saying the zoo would be closed on Thursday and said to one of my friends..Well that would suck..My daughter would go into major melt down mode if I drug her all the way there to only have to turn around and go home for no obvious reason (holiday, weather issue)

Margie G. said...

Don't have your email....
You're tagged on a new meme ;-) See my blog - http://chesapeakeribbons.blogspot.com

goodluck!
Margie