RAY, THE F---KING ZOO IS CLOSED

I hope that some of you, offended by the f-bomb, will pardon my language and remember this quote from Jerry Maguire fondly as you listen to the saga that was my day today...

Remember, little Johnathan Lipnicki (scary that I can remember his name) asked Tom Cruise to take him to the zoo- but it was night time, and Tom Cruise was drunk and nursing a black eye and had just dumped fiance Kelly Preston because she called him a loser- so he said simply, Ray the fucking zoo is closed, and Ray said, "you're not supposed to say Fuck"

I am sorry if I have offended anyone, but immediately this is what ran through my head when I pulled up at the zoo parking lot, after an hour drive with four kids in city traffic to get to the zoo, and was told that the zoo was closed for the day.

The zoo is closed three times a year. Christmas Day. New Year's Day. And, ohbytheway, the second Thursday in June. How could I not know? Didn't we just finish decorating the second Thursday in June tree? Didn't I just spend tons of time buying the second Thursday in June Christmas gifts.

This, people, is why I am not type a personality. Type A personalities plan perfectly and their plans roll smoothly along. I tried so hard to be organized. Even had the girls dressed in matching giraffe dresses so they would look zooish. Packed sandwiches and strawberries and salsa and chips in a cooler, so that we could have a picnic lunch. Even bought tickets in advance at triple A, to save time and a couple of bucks. Well, at least now we have tickets for another day. You might think the people at Triple A would have advised me that today was one of the three days of the year the zoo was closed?! But then, again, I guess I should have known.

But this is where my laid back, roll with the punches, differently organized personality comes into play. No need to call social services- I did not drop the f-bomb in front of my children, who were reeling from the news that the zoo was closed. I was on a major city street, unsure of which way to go, traffic coming at me from every angle,but I simply pulled over.

After a brief caucus on what other city attraction we would visit, it was decided that we would head to the aquarium. Thank God for the GPS because with my sense of direction, we'd still b in the city.

As you can see above, I found many glorious creatures of the sea including: a shark boy,two mermaid princesses, and one sea monster.